The House.
Oh sure, it looks good. That is, it looks good now. But, few realise just exactly how much work it took to get it to look this way. In this shot, only the outside is done; the inside still is more or less of a shell, awaiting rooms and functions.
I hate building mansions. They're big, they're time-consuming, their DLC requirements are usually high (this one's is), and they're nigh impossible to make simultaneously functional and ornamental. I could have used bay window objects instead of building the bay windows directly into the walls, but see... I had just finished building a moderate-wealth ranch house in Newcrest and suddenly got the idea, "Hey, I could put one of those bay window loveseats in the dining room!" Yeah, great. So now, I have 10 bay windows that are totally useless for anything except those window seats. Basically, the only reason this mansion happened at all was because I wanted an excuse to build an outdoor kitchen. There was no space for anything more than a grill in the backyard of that ranch house I mentioned, and I really wanted a Steve Raichlen style outdoor kitchen, with counters built into retaining walls, stainless steel refrigerators, 5 discrete types of barrel-smoker, shit like that. I really need to start planning my Sims houses on gridpaper again, spuds. That's all there is to it. Because, when I finally got to the landscaping on this mansion, guess what I forgot to leave room for! I'll give you 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count. Instead, I ended up building a Simply Ming-style kitchen inside the house. I wanted both, but that's in the past.
As I was building, though, it started looking more and more like one of those historical landowners' mansions from the deep south. I think the Willow Creek location's stage geometry had something to do with that, as there's a bayou-looking place at the back of the property and a floating gazebo across the inlet from the front. I kept building and building, adding rooms and corridors, and it became abundantly clear, this was not the home of a celebrity chef. It's got a private library with a reference desk for g-d's sake, what TV chef has that kind of money? I mean, yeah, sure, it's The Sims, we can just say that maybe chefs have greater celebrity than movie stars in this universe... but, I like for my buildings to make immediate sense to our accepted definition of reality. I don't want people to need to make stuff up to rationalise why things are the way they are. The Gubler-Dochney Branch's basement wasn't modernised because only the librarians and archivists ever go down there. There's a commons laundry room in The X at Y because the 1-bedroom flats don't have laundry machines. The baby grand piano is on the ground level of BeauShack ManHouse because you can't take it up the stairs; positioned in front of the picture window because it couldn't fit through the door and the windows were put in after the piano. It makes sense. This is a Cluedo-type mansion whose front half looks like New England and whose back half looks like slavery-era Louisiana; and whose inside looks like various bits of California from the 2000-2016 period of time. It makes no sense. That's another reason why I liked building The X at Y so much; I was going for hyperrealism when it came to fixtures, lighting, and closets. It made me stop and think about things like how many lights there are in a room and where; are the pipes for this plumbing fixture going to freeze in the winter? If the water heater valve bursts, is the fusebox likely to get a shower? Things like that. This mansion, though, is 100% The Sims. Nothing in it makes any sense other than, "well, it seemed like a good idea."
After a while, I was tired of building, so I decided to create a household that would theoretically live here. I gotta say, making sims is more of a pain in the ass than building mansions some days, and I let Create-a-Sim make certain key decisions for me. You know how Bob Ross used to say, "Make up stories in your mind as you paint"; unfortunately, the household lore wasn't turning out compatible with the house. For a start, I needed a celebrity chef to live here, but CaS gave me a musclebound Black man who I decided was more appropriately a former basketball player. Understand, the lore isn't bad; it's actually quite compelling from a dramatic point of view; it just wasn't what I needed for this house.
The Lore.
See, the former basketball player; Clayvon; was tired of the bright lights and interviews and everything he had to endure in Bridgeport, so he retired to Willow Creek. He had to see his boyfriend in secret, because the weird traditionalists who live in the area were keeping him under as much scrutiny as you can keep someone with a home security system and reflective windows under. 5-year MVP, Clayvon Henson, who was so famous that the Bridgeport Bounders retired his jersey after he left, was never seen in public with a woman; so, that raised some questions with the tabloids back in Bridgeport.
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on whose viewpoint you take), Clay's step-sister, Thalia, walked out on her boyfriend after being mistreated by him for the past 3 years (never beaten, just called names, being compelled into doing housechores after working a full shift at the restaurant, and only being shown affection after she threatened to leave him the first time) and had nowhere else to stay. Since no one in sports media knew about Clay's family, the shadow reporter was satisfied that this strange woman moving into the house was his girlfriend and returned to Clacker with that information and a photograph of them hugging. It was only after Thalia noticed she was being followed to the grocery store by someone with a camera and noticed people with cameras hanging around the baby care aisle that she suspected something was up. Well, baby powder is the only way she can stop chafing under her sundresses, so... imagine her surprise when she was flipping stations the next night and found DBZ talking about "Clayvon Henson's girlfriend is pregnant".
Now, Thalia was perfectly aware that her brother was seeing Delious. Despite her bedroom being on the opposite side of the house... let's just say that sound travels throughout the house's wooden walls, flooring, and ceilings. Plus, there was that whole business with the chess team captain back in high school. Suffice to say, Thalia knows Clay is gay. Like, not even a little bi. He's gay, in the same way that football jocks are straight. Delious was like textbook gay, with the theatrics, the gestures, and the exaggerated sibilance; they were plainly made for each other. But, why did DBZ think she was Clay's girlfriend? He explained the situation, and how he can't afford a scandal, now that he's starting his new investment career.
After a few days of thinking about it, Thalia hit upon a solution—confirm that she's Clay's girlfriend. Since the media plainly knew nothing about Clay's family, they could simultaneously say that Delious was his brother. She and Clay could go places together to maintain the illusion and all they'd have to do is hold hands like they used to when they were kids and Clay kept having to drag her back home past all the shops. Delious suggested they could throw a party for all of Clay's celebrity friends, at which there would undoubtedly be tabloid informants, where Thalia could dispel the rumours she was pregnant in casual conversation. Being a voice actor, he himself would put on his best imitation of his boyfriend's voice and pose as his brother.
The party went off without a hitch, fun was had by all, and at the end of the night, everyone was convinced that Thalia had no interest in children and Delious was staying with his brother until his hip-hop deejay career took off. The end, roll credits.
The Point to All This.
It's a good story, I'm better at writing than I am at building mansions, and I'm going to bed now.
--29 May 2024--