About the Webmistress

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Fenna FoxTina Badgraph1csghost

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"Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible
time management decisions anyone could ever make."

I'm Tina. My namesake is another strong independent woman by that name. You probably know her. She wears a barrette. My favourite thing about myself is that I can revert to 1996-level technology without breaking stride.

I'm a composer, graphic designer, former voiceover artist (fuck AI voice duplication for real), Firefox enthusiast, owner of a hacked Nintendo 3DS, and developer of the most boring HTML you'll ever see. Not that it's a problem; this is how websites looked back in the day, you know.

I was wearing a facemask before it was cool, to keep Little Jeffy Bezos and his tangle of toadies out of my gotdang business. I never subscribed to Ring; who says I consented to let Ring associate a face with these ample proportions? No giant, multinational corporation's going to know it when I walk out of the store with an armful of boxaroni-and-cheese.

Take it from a certifiable paranoid freak—billionaires know your face, your name, your habits, your car, your dog, your tits, your house, where you are, what you're doing, and where you've been every minute of every day. Fuck "space aliens"—this is the real reason for the Tinfoil Hat Convention. What's next, Tesla Orbital Mind Control Lasers? Those lasers can zap Elon's dick clean off before they ever get a piece of this.

That's about all the intimately-personal info I'm prepared to share with the world. Here now, some lists of generalities that could easily apply to 100 million other people.

Top 5 TV Programmes
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Bob's Burgers
The Joy of Painting
Ed, Edd n Eddy

Top 5 Bands
Oingo Boingo
Siouxie and the Banshees
Pat Benatar

Top 5 Games
The Sims (Windows XP)
ToeJam & Earl (Sega Mega Drive)
GoldenEye 007 (Nintendo 64)
Midnight Magic (Atari VCS)
Super Mario All-Stars+World (Super NES)

Blorbeaux aux mes émissions
Tina Belcher (Bob's Burgers)
Double Dee (Ed Edd n Eddy)
Rocko W. Rama (Rocko's Modern Life)
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt (Peanuts)
Quark's best customer, Morn (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

Parles-tu français?
Ouais. Pas trés bien, et sans raison particulière.

What do I want to be when I grow up?
I'd like to be a certified Bob Ross instructor and teach people how to paint happy, little clouds and big, strong mountains.

Why am I on Neocities?
Because I used to have a website back in high school and I need to get back into HTML coding by hand. Also, I used to write in long-form all the time before I joined Tumblr, then I stopped. The corporate feudal state's antithesis is a population that enjoys to write and can code their own websites without help (just the occasional case study 😉).